do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
