She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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