if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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