do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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