We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize