this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
