i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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