It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
