my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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