I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
