2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
