Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
