you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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