I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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