Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
