well I can't set my house on fire every night
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
