remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
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