Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize