I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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