White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Can I color on your dick again?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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