We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
