drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
