His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize