I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
