i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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