My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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