WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize