Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
