OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My feet surprised me
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
