he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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