I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
