Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize