My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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