Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
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