I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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