Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
