Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
