Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
