saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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