im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You're like the curious george of whores
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
