Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
