I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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