Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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