Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
