Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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