i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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