As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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