I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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