Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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