whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
