I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
