if i can run in heels then i can drive
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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