I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
