Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
