I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
