First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
