I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
