Taylor Swift is so right about you.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I just sucked dick on a ferry
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
