My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
