While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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