The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
