I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize