When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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