It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
