I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Bring me that man meat
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
