marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
