i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize