just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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