idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
