I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
