he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
