I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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