Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
