I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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