You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
