I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
