I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize