He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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