somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
