guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
this will be a night to untag.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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