Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
There r osticjed everywhere
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
