I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
