it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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