You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
