I have demons in me.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
