you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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