so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
