just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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