just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize