i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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