6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Everyone says I win the strip club
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
