Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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