I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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