how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
