I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
