You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
