So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
