I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
