i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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