we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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